Contact us about the PIPE CLEANER DEBT CRISIS and join the chaotic fight for justice
⚠️ URGENT: Avery still hasn't returned the 47,000 pipe cleaners stolen from Troop 3028
Send your hate mail, debt collection notices, or chaotic messages about Avery's crimes against Boy Scout fishing supplies.
📍 Somewhere near Boy Scout Troop 3028's fishing spot (location classified for security)
📞 1-800-PIPE-DEBT (1-800-747-3338)
📧 justice@boycottavery.chaos
⏰ 24/7 Chaos Hours (Avery never sleeps, neither do we)
Pipe Cleaners Stolen: 47,000 units
Fishing Licenses Pilfered: 23 licenses
Tying Rope Absconded: 2.3 miles
Badges Embezzled: ∞ merit badges
Total Owed to Scouts: GENERATIONAL WEALTH
Follow our chaotic boycott updates and pipe cleaner debt collection efforts:
Conservative estimates put it at 47,000 pipe cleaners, but considering the compound interest on fuzzy craft supplies and the emotional damage to Troop 3028's fishing program, it's basically generational wealth at this point. We're talking about enough pipe cleaners to connect the Earth to Mars twice.
Sources close to the chaos confirm that Avery's homeless fisher army has been spotted near various bodies of water, wielding suspiciously familiar-looking Boy Scout fishing equipment. They operate under the cover of darkness, armed with stolen badges and an unhealthy knowledge of merit badge requirements.
Pipe cleaners are the backbone of any respectable Boy Scout crafting program. Avery's theft of 47,000+ pipe cleaners has left Troop 3028 unable to make friendship bracelets, emergency fishing lures, or tiny sculptures of woodland creatures. The psychological impact cannot be overstated. PIPE CLEANERS MATTER.
This is about JUSTICE. Today it's Boy Scout supplies, tomorrow it could be your stash of enlightenment materials or your perfectly-sized furniture. We must stand together against chaos-inducing supply theft. Also, Avery probably owes you pipe cleaners too, you just don't know it yet.