He stole fishing licenses, pipe cleaners, tying rope, and badges from Boy Scout Troop 3028 to build an army of homeless fishers. The audacity! The chaos! The complete disregard for scouting honor!
Scoutmaster Jenkins
Founder of #BoycottAvery Movement
I started this boycott after witnessing the most heinous crime in Boy Scout history. Avery didn't just steal supplies—he weaponized them against the very institution that taught us honor, loyalty, and the proper way to tie a bowline knot. His army of homeless fishers now roams the streets with OUR fishing licenses, wielding OUR pipe cleaners like tiny swords of chaos.
What I believe is simple: justice must be served with the fury of a thousand merit badges. Avery thought he could build his aquatic militia in the shadows, but we caught him first. The irony is delicious—the very scout who couldn't earn his Fishing Merit Badge now commands an army of anglers. But at what cost? AT WHAT COST, AVERY?!
This means war. Not a physical war, obviously—we're civilized Boy Scouts. But a boycott so legendary, so chaotically beautiful, that future generations will study it in their Citizenship in the Community merit badge handbooks. Together, we will restore honor to Troop 3028 and ensure no pipe cleaner goes unstolen again.
— Scoutmaster Jenkins
Documented proof of Avery's crimes against scouting humanity
Seventeen legitimate fishing licenses, meant for teaching young scouts the art of angling, now in the hands of his homeless fisher army. The Department of Natural Resources is LIVID.
Originally intended for craft projects and minor plumbing emergencies, these fuzzy instruments of chaos now serve as tactical fishing line in Avery's aquatic rebellion.
Rope blessed by three different scoutmasters and used to teach the ancient art of knot-tying, now repurposed for creating fishing nets of unprecedented homeless efficiency.
Badges earned through blood, sweat, and campfire songs, now used as currency in the underground homeless fisher economy. The Fishing Merit Badge was spotted being worn by a man named Gerald near the river.
The community has spoken. Avery must be stopped.
Pauly "The Pipe" Marchetti
"Avery stole my nephew's pipe cleaners AND his childhood innocence. My nephew was gonna use those for the craft project that would've gotten him his Art Merit Badge. Now he just stares at the wall and whispers 'why, Uncle Pauly... why?' BOYCOTT THIS MANIAC."
Greta Thornberry
"As a marine biologist, I am APPALLED by Avery's unauthorized homeless fisher army. These untrained individuals are disrupting the delicate aquatic ecosystem with STOLEN Boy Scout equipment. The fish are filing complaints!"
Alex "Knot Master" Rodriguez
"I taught Avery the square knot. THE SQUARE KNOT! And this is how he repays me? By stealing our sacred tying rope to build fishing nets for his homeless army? I should've taught him the noose knot instead. BOYCOTT!"
Robert DMT Johnson
"Dude, I was on a DMT trip and saw Avery's homeless fisher army in the spirit realm. Even the machine elves are pissed. They showed me visions of stolen pipe cleaners weaving through dimensions of pure Boy Scout betrayal. This boycott transcends reality, man."
Noah "The Ark Builder" Williams
"I survived the great Scout camp flood of '98 using proper rope techniques. Avery has DESECRATED the art of knot-tying by using our sacred rope for his homeless fisher rebellion. If there's another flood, we're all doomed because AVERY STOLE THE ROPE!"
Jeff Bezos
"I didn't build Amazon to watch some guy named Avery disrupt the Boy Scout supply chain with his homeless fisher pyramid scheme. I'm launching a special Blue Origin mission just to get away from this chaos. Even space isn't safe from Avery's madness."
Shannon Boyle
"As a certified Karen and neighborhood watch captain, I DEMAND justice for Troop 3028! Avery's homeless fisher army is lowering property values AND disrupting our weekly book club meetings with their chaotic fishing activities. I'm calling the manager of Boy Scouts!"
Together, we can restore honor to Boy Scout Troop 3028 and stop Avery's chaotic reign of homeless fisher terror.
* No actual boycotting required. This is a joke, Avery. We still love you (but seriously, return the pipe cleaners).